i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
