Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I wish you could order shots online.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
