Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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