I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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