well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
