P.S. I can't hear my feet
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
