Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
