Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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