Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
