I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
