i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
