nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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