why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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