I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
