Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
