I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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