Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
