On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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