I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
