I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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