pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
