Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
