So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
