yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
