I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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