i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
