Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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