Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
