he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
