I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
