So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
