She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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