I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
