it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
