So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
