before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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