yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
