Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There's always time for handjobs
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just blew my weed a kiss
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
