I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
