Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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