Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
