we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
