its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
