Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
