Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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