the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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