the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
