farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
