oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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