so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
