You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I bet he comes in French.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Randomize
