True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
