She said her name was "party"
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
